Have You Ever Found It Hard To come To Terms With the Truth?

The time is 3:15 pm, I don’t know if I’ll publish this today but I’ll write it anyway. In a few days time, some of my friends would be a year older.

I used to have 3 friends who were born in the month of April, one died and left me with 2 April born queens. 👑

Adeyinka was one of my special friends, infact she was my best friend but not few months into when she died.

HOW WE MET…

I got admitted into University of Ilorin in December 2016 and I resumed in January. Lectures had started so I was a bit behind. If I can remember correctly, I walked up to her and her friends to ask for their notes and that was how it all started.

We got so close that I ‘hijacked’ her from her friends whom they went to the same secondary school together. I told her she was my best friend when we were waiting to write a Computer Based Test in 100 level.

We were so into each other, and she was like the twin sister I never had. Her parents were Ilorin based so I usually went to her house occasionally and our bond continued to wax stronger.

You’d see us hold hands while walking, play like children without caring who was watching and go all out for each other.

We Drifted…

In 2021, Honestly, I don’t know what happened and how we drifted a bit. We tried to patch things, we really tried. Nobody could picture what was happening. Even though we weren’t as close as we to used to be, we still kept in touch.

Her Death…

I was scrolling through WhatsApp on the 21st of July 2022 when I saw that somebody posted her picture. The last time I checked, he had no reason to so I opened it.

The caption was “rest on dear 🕊️”.
This guy must be kidding me because wtf is the meaning of that caption. I got angry and called him immediately to ask what the caption meant. He confirmed her death and I became mute, I ended the call and started laughing.

Minutes later, these tears came and I couldn’t control it, the reality has just hit me that she’s truly gone.

I could’ve chatted her up and called her more often than I did. She wasn’t sick, she just died. I was so angry at myself, I could’ve fought better for our friendship and so many more I could’ve…

The last time I saw her was on our sign out day and I wished I had hugged her tighter then. I promised myself that I was going to patch things with my best friend before we both graduated but it didn’t happen and she didn’t even graduate before she died, after everything Unilorin has shown her.

Random: I remember one day when we ran into each other in school, we hugged each other and started crying.

After her death…

The only dead person I have ever longed to appear to me is my dad, but Adeyinka became the second person. I just wanted her to appear to me and probably give me a hug, tell me she’s fine and listen to me while I apologize for not fighting for our friendship and just tell her how much I love her one more time.

l find it hard to believe my Bes is dead. I once thought about her faking her death, even though it didn’t make sense, I just didn’t want to accept the truth.

On the 1st of January 2023, I went to buy somethings and when I was on bike, I told myself I was going to call her when I got home. Then I remembered that I can’t. Omooo… It was very painful, very very painful.

I’m so grateful that my friends were there for me when it all happened. Few days after her death, I spoke to Tomi about how guilty I was feeling, how I could’ve done better but I didn’t and she said

“You were not in her last days but I’m sure she never forgets what you did in her life.
You might think that she is angry but she is truly happy because those times are what would have been her last thoughts as she died. I want you to truly forgive yourself. There was nothing you could do. That’s the reality but the main thing is you decide how you chose to remember her.
There’s no crime in missing her or remembering her. It’s how you choose to remember her that matters.

And ever since, I have chosen to remember her as my best friend and my sister which she was, as my happy and strong friend who loved me so much and loved Jesus too.

Close to a year after and it still feels like a dream.

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I don’t know if there’s anyone who’s feeling like me, and is currently reading this blog post. I just want to encourage you to remember whoever it is in a good way. Don’t beat yourself up for not doing better, you did well and that matters too. ❤️

Happy Posthumous birthday to Patience Adeyinka, Lonimi’s Kitchen, my Bes. I love you so much. Keep resting in Christ. ❤️

Shout out to Oluwatomisin and Anuoluwapo, happy birthday in advance my ladies. I love you guys so much. ❤️

PS: This blog post is a reminder for you to celebrate people and give them their accolades while they are alive. Tomorrow might be too late, we never can tell.

Reach out to your friends and loved ones today. May God continue to help us.

PPS: Since this has been in my drafts for about three days now, I’m meant to edit but I don’t feel like. So yesterday was Tomi’s birthday, today is Patience Posthumous and tomorrow is Anu’s birthday. ❤️